What are you looking at?

How much of what we see everyday do we actually SEE? How much of what is going on in the world around us is wasted on eyes that are too preoccupied with some menial occurrence to bother understanding? Do you ever think that you may have seen but not really seen one of the most important things in your life? That it just passed you by when you weren't looking because you were worried about this test or that grade--tonight's plans, tomorrow's outfit? What if everyone all of a sudden started walking around with their eyes literally but also metaphorically OPEN to the world around them, willing to actually take in and comprehend what was going on? Would we finally have world peace and an end to poverty, hunger, and greed? In a perfect world I guess. But at least I can say this much: if everyone at least made an EFFORT to walk around actually seeing the things happening around them I would live in a society much more informed and educated as to what was going on in the world and I would not live in a constant fear that when people my age run the governments and businesses of the world (scary to think that this isn't so far off in the future) everything will go to shit. I would live in a world of more understanding and sympathetic people and more developed, unique personalities.

I'm scared. I'm scared that I am letting the best things in my life pass me by because I am so focused on school--getting the grade and doing the work--right now that I can't stop to appreciate the place I'm in and the people around me. I'm scared that I will let this time of discovery in my life pass me by and wake up one day with no gas left to go forth and discover myself. That I will become one of those drones who has a set schedule and does the same thing at the same time every day for the rest of my life because that is how I am told it is supposed to be and I don't have the imagination to change things for myself. Then I think about it and I'm happy that this scares me. As long as it scares me I know that I will never end up that drone. The day that I stop thinking there is something wrong with this way of life is the day that my fear will have come true. And it really is sad because its almost as if the society we live in has set us up to live like this. Dates, deadlines, assignments--all go whooshing past so quickly its hard to know where one project stops and another ends. Life moves at such a fast pace that people become married to blackberries and email because otherwise they would never be where they were supposed to be when they are supposed to be. But what if where you are supposed to be is living your life and you are stuck in some boring meeting room? You may have money, but how are you living?

Goal: find myself. Discover who I am and understand that discovery is a never ending process. I may never find "me" because I will always be changing. But as long as I'm looking, I know i'm headed in the right direction. More incoherent babblings later.

Radhi

Now?

A few of my friends have been telling me to make a public blog...guess there's no better time than now.

Today I was sitting in class and my professor goes off on a girl who was clearly not paying attention. He tells her, "these are the most important days of your life! You are shaping your future and you are paying $40,000 for an education..." yada yada yada. We have all heard it before. We have all heard our parents or our teachers place a monetary value on our education as opposed to speaking for educations sake. And we have all heard that the days we spend in school are the most important of our lives. But is this really true? Do I stop learning once I leave school? No. Is the most important stuff I learn the stuff I learn in school? Not necessarily. Probably not. Then are these really THE most important days of my life?

We are told to seize the day. What day though? Today? Tomorrow? If I believe that the decisions I make NOW shape my life, is today's "now" any more important and life altering that yesterday's "now?" Do the decisions I make tomorrow make more of a difference to my life that the actions I perform today? Does one decision or action truly have the ability to completely doom a life with its consequences? Can one decision or action turn around a life all on its own? It's scary to think that if one decision can doom you, then you live life in a constant fear of making that wrong choice or doing that wrong thing. Can one instant ruin your whole life? Can one more instant fix it?

I guess I try to look at things from a cyclical standpoint. No one thing you do can stop you from living the life you want because most people are inclined to give second chances. So then its all a matter of whether you are willing to change--to learn. And I DON'T mean learn from the school standpoint--not what you are paying your 40,000 for--but rather are you willing to stop making the decisions and doing the things that are standing in your way? Because if you are then I feel like even if you have fallen far, a complete turnaround, if one commits to it fully and over a long period of time, shows people that you have changed. That you are willing to do what it takes to put your life back on track and keep it there. I don't believe that one is ever doomed. We make our own decisions, nobody makes them for us.

Wow this kinda got away from where I originally started it. Oh well.

Own up to who you are and the things you do and if they aren't actions and decisions you are proud of, change so that they are. Thats how I feel one achieves what he or she wants in life. You have to have the willpower because nobody will walk you through it all holding your hand. But hey. Just my thoughts.

Radhi