Once there was a little girl who viewed the world with brand new eyes.
She saw the goodness in everything.
She was oblivious to pain, to suffering, and to lies.
Then one day this little girl grew up.
She saw plainly with these innocent eyes the greed of theft, the malice of murder, the despair of poverty, and the ignorance that the ignorant apply to religion.

Every day we hear about today's corrupted youth, but who is it that made us this way and how do we make it so that tomorrow's youth isn't the exact same? What kind of world is it we live in where corruption is inevitable? Where it is expected? Where you walk down the street guarded because you feel you can't trust your fellow man? Wouldn't it be nice to trust people to do the right thing instead of expecting them to do the wrong? Wouldn't that be nice.

Just my thoughts.

Radhi

Taking chances?

Hypothetical situation: you live a good life. You're generally pretty happy with where you are. There is just one glaring piece of the puzzle that you know does not fit, but you are too scared to do anything about it. What kind of person are you? Do you sit there and do nothing hoping that one day you'll forget about it and think about it less? Maybe something else will come along that will fit the puzzle just as well. Its better to never find out and never get hurt.

Maybe you are the person who is always taking that leap of faith. Its better to know, even if you get hurt, rather than to regret never finding out at all. Most people think the first person I described a coward and the second brave. I can see that. I can understand it. I'm just not so sure I agree with it. Whether it is a question of career, heart, faith, or anything else, why is the person who holds back a coward. Why is protecting yourself cowardly? How is it any better to keep putting yourself out there and keep getting hurt? How is the first person a coward and the second person not a fool?

To all of those who say honesty is the best policy, I get that and I say that not sharing your feelings completely isn't lying. Its guarding yourself. I don't understand how people can put themselves out there, get hurt, and then turn around and do the whole thing over again. As animals, isn't negative reinforcement supposed to eventually stop us from committing those actions that lead to hurt? Doesn't that mean that those who are reserved in taking the leap are the sensible ones? The ones who hold back are naturally doing what nature has taught them. That's not cowardice. That's life. Just my thoughts.

Radhi

Fine.

How are you? oh i'm fine. That is how I have found myself answering this question too often of late. Its funny because I am normally the first one to jump on the "I'm great" bandwagon and not think twice about it. But here I am. I'm fine. But thats about it. And the more I think about it the more disturbed I am with my status. I've felt a lot better in a lot worse of situations. So why now? why just fine now?

It's been really hard for me to figure this out but I think I finally have it. I get a call from a friend I haven't spoken to in a really long time yesterday. I see his name pop up on my cell phone and I immediately think "oh crap. what happened?" As if there has to be some sort of tragedy for him to need to call me up out of the blue like that. Turns out he just wanted to say hi and catch up. Why is it that my mind immediately went to something bad happening? I think I know why now. I think I'm waiting for something bad to happen. Anticipating it almost.

I am not naive. I know the world is not all rainbows and bunnies and smiley faces. I know how to roll with the punches and I think that is why I have been for the most part a generally happy person. Which is why I find this predicament odd: at a time in my life where I feel everything (with the exception of maybe one or two minor things) is going exactly as I want it to and I am where I need to be doing what I need to be doing and succeeding, I feel worse than I normally do. Sounds odd no? Things go well and my mood gets worse. Huh.....

Well sometime between yesterday and right now it hit me. I am waiting for something to go wrong. Waiting for someone to get in my way and say no, that I can't have what I am working towards and I can't have what I want and that I have to start over. No passing go, no collecting 200 dollars. And if I think about it even more, then I see that the person telling myself this is ME. Sure, I can sit here in fear of something going wrong, not allowing myself to fully enjoy the fact that I am exactly who I want to be right now, or I can let go of the fear that something will go wrong. I will do everything in my power to make sure that things here stay as I want them to and the rest I have no control over so why bother? Starting now I am ensuring that as hard as I have studied and worked to get to be the person I am, I have time to go enjoy being this person. I want to go do things--see shows, dance more, sing more, hang out with friends more--not just on weekends. I always had the mentality that school was where you study so that when you grow up you can live a good life. But that would make school 20 some odd years of wasted life time. So I am making a pact with myself. Live more. Live harder (but keep up the studying....I still have goals to achieve). Just my thoughts.

Radhi

hmmmm

Ever thought something was one thing and then it wasn't? huh. Funny how that works out...

Radhi